Tuesday, November 22, 2011
i dont know how to be a good person all the time. im good at feeling pain and causing it. i see that problem and i admit it but i dont know how to fix it. i only know how to ease it and thats by running, by pushing away and by staying away. when im alone i hurt no one on purpose and no one hurts me other than in my mind when what they have done to me plays over and over. you think just because you say or do something to me 1 time that its done and over with and i should forget it. i wish i could but its not over in my mind. its like a record that plays over and over and keeps hurting me and i dont know how to turn that record player off. when im not treated with the same respect, love and kindness that others are then it hurts. no one is better than me. im just as good as anyone else and i hate being treated less and when im treated less i treat people less. i dont want to be a hater. i want to be a lover. i want to be a healer. i want to enjoy life. i want to be happy. i want to be peaceful. i want to be painfree. why should i stay with someone when theres so much pain for both? i dont like hurting.